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There were fifteen lanes open that I could see

  • December 18, 2013

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The burly red demon buy canada goose jacket looked at a few papers. He squinted through his round glasses for a minute before sliding them off and slipping them into the chest pocket of his tight white collared t shirt.

Canada Goose sale “What do you mean don know You just said I have to spend canada goose black friday sale 186,292 years down here! The guy in front of me only got 145! What in the hell did I do?!” Canada Goose sale

canada goose He spent 15 minutes on his iPhone arguing with his manager. The line was being held up, so a supervisor opened a new line. The girl behind Canada Goose online me got 188 years. The creepy dude behind her, 400. A gangbanger, determined to live up to his stereotype, got 1,202 years for shooting up a barbershop. He cried. canada goose

I looked back and saw the lines were long. There were fifteen lanes open that I could see, and the demons all looked flustered and rushed. The supervisor directed more lanes to open, as demons from other Canada Goose Jackets departments complained about being put on counter duty. One of them even argued and threw a fit, scorching buy canada goose jacket cheap the broom Canada Goose Outlet he was holding and throwing it into the sea of dead people in line. The supervisor remained calm, literally fired him (like, set him on fire), and the people just ignored the flaming broom.

“Sir, the Regional manager would like a word with you,” the apologetic demon in the collared white shirt said, handing me the phone.

canadian goose jacket “Who am I speaking to?” I asked. canadian goose jacket

“MY NAME IS RASTLEBUB THE DEMENTED,” a grave, fire laced voice said. The connection was nice and crisp. I commented on it, to which he quickly replied “OH YES, GOOGLE FIBER JUST ROLLED OUT THEIR BASIC PACKAGE DOWN HERE, SOUNDS LIKE A DREAM FUCKED A COCONUT.”

Rastlebub the Demented cackled like he had made a hilarious joke. I looked to the Demon in the collared shirt. He shrugged again and told me with his hands to just roll with it. I gave a courtesy laugh.

canada goose coats When the Demented was done cackling, he took down my information and apologized for any mix ups. It wasn without precedent though. “THERE WERE ACTUALLY TWO FIDEL CASTROS, AND THEY DIED ON THE SAME DAY. THAT WAS CONFUSING MESS OF PAPERWORK TO SET STRAIGHT,” the Demented said. “ALMOST FORCED THIS POOR GROCER TO HANG AROUND HERE FOR 6,000 YEARS.” canada goose coats

“What could I have possibly done to earn 186K?” I asked.

“SO YOU SAY YOU ARE A PARTICLE PHYSICIST?” he asked, as cheap Canada Goose I overheard him tapping keys on the other end.

Canada Goose online “Yes?” I replied. “I was at the tail end of earning my PHD. So close to being called I would have made so many Doctor Who jokes.” Canada Goose online

buy canada goose jacket cheap “YES, YES. I LIKED DAVID TENNANT. WONDERFUL MAN. I WENT TO A CON ONCE AND HE SIGNED A PHOTO OF US TOGETHER WITH A COCONUT. MY WIFE SAYS CAPALDI WAS BETTER. BLASPHEMER,” Rastlebub said. “BUT BACK TO THE ISSUE. DO YOU RECALL HOW YOU DIED?” buy canada goose jacket cheap

“Uhh, no. Now that I think about it. I was in my office sipping coffee, then I was here,” I said. I leaned sat on the desk, and the collared shirt demon folded his arms and gave me a look. I immediately stood straight up and mouthed Canada Goose sale a silent “sorry” to him for disrespecting his desk. Rastlebub said something about how a number of people today were just as confused. Normally, he said, people remember the specifics of how they died. Knife to the heart, gunshot wound, heart attack, choking on a cheese sandwich, falling in the bathroom, whatever people could remember it. Not today. No one could remember doing anything that would get them killed. It was as if they canada goose coats all died for no reason.

Canada Goose Online After a half hour of going back and forth examining the details, the Demented asked me one more question. Thankfully it didn involve coconuts. Canada Goose Online

Canada Goose Jackets “I was trying to utilize a ten point, four dimensional containment field to trap neutrinos in a compact, accelerated “loop” in order to use them as fuel in a particle engine canadian goose jacket that, in theory, could provide limitless energy.” Canada Goose Jackets

“UH HUH,” Rastlebub said, not really understanding, but understanding enough. “WELL I THINK I UNDERSTAND WHY WE SO BUSY TODAY, AND WHY YOU ARE MARKED AT 186,292 YEARS.”

buy canada goose jacket “What? No. My particle engine couldn possibly ” buy canada goose jacket

Canada Goose Parka “YOU LEFT IT ON OVERNIGHT, DIDN YOU?” Canada Goose Parka

“Of course not! canada goose I always. No, wait, I sure I did. Last night I switched it off, got my coat no, it was the other way around, I got my coat, then shut it off. No, no. Wait. I think ”

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One Million. I have completed exactly one million assignments as of September 6th, 2018. You’d think I’d want to mark the day as something special, but to be honest, I’m kind of tired of it.

uk canada goose outlet Don’t get me wrong, one million is a big number. Everyone said one million would be special but I figured it would be because of the milestone and the paycheck after all you do get a promotion and a raise from the bottom tier at one million. In the grand scheme of things, though, I have a long way to go; there are some Haunters who have worked numbers of cases so high there aren’t numbers to count anymore. They’re the Elite. uk canada goose outlet

My name is Gerard. I never pictured Haunter as my own personal goal, but I didn’t pick the canada-gooseoutlets job. We don’t get to choose. The Elite pick, and when they call you, you can’t say no. Well, I guess you could, but it would mean roaming the Earth until the end of time. Not really my cup of tea either way, but this way I get a job and a paycheck.

canada goose coats on sale See, the families, we don’t give them names. Too difficult to remember who was who and don’t get me started about the “Joneses.” Why is Jones such a popular name anyway? It’s not even that good. So we give them numbers. They’re assigned a code that corresponds with our name and death date. canada goose clearance sale This means One Million for me is technically G02121492 1000000. I call them One Million because it’s easier. canada goose coats on sale

canada goose uk shop Anyway, after the first thousand or so assignments, they start to get repetitive. It gets pretty easy to recognize what’s going to work and what’s not. End up skimming the reports and doing your thing. You show up, canada goose outlet move a few things the family usually plays it off at first, but the first time you throw a vase across the room they either call a priest or move. I usually don’t stick around long enough to find out. canada goose uk shop

Canada Goose Outlet One Million though she really made me earn this paycheck. Seriously, I just want to show up and do my job. Instead I got Mae. Not a family, so no kids to scare easily, just a tough as nails elderly woman who I seriously underestimated. What are they doing to women these days? They used to be so reliant on men now they just don’t canada goose clearance seem to care anymore. Canada Goose Outlet

Mae moved in on her own. I was there to greet her, and would you believe the first thing she did was sage the house?! I couldn’t even start the job for a solid month while control was clearing out the toxins. A solid month, OUT OF WORK! I had plans for this one When I finally did get started, she was all moved in, settled, comfortable. I figured single woman, elderly, I wouldn’t Canada Goose Parka have to work too hard for payback.